On some of the days, I just feel the urge to connect, an intense desire to talk to someone. To anyone really!
It is because those days are not about to whom shall I talk to – I just feel the NEED to talk to someone and connect.
It can grow into a strong push to call up one of my friends. The intention is not to check in how they are doing rather it is the intention of being listened to.
I have learned to control the neediness. I listen to myself what is that I actually do NEED? Can I fulfil the desire, the need without seeking it to be fulfilled by someone in my environment?
Exercising this type of self-control was not always the case. I used to be restless.
The desires and need would grow into NEEDINESS at times and overpower me.
It would just set me off into an autopilot mode, trying to seek something from the environment to get rid of the neediness and search a way to fulfil the NEED.
The word NEED – quite clearly speaks volume about the word itself.
A need shall be met. Needs to be Met, Fulfilled, Satisfied!
We need to OWN, HAVE, EXPERIENCE, and FEEL something or somehow – for that need to be met.
For instance love, shelter, belonging, security, respect, connection, food, sleep, intimacy, and so on are the needs that you must have, experience, and feel in order to be met.
If the basic needs are not met – you become NEEDY.
It is quite logical, isn’t it?
Being needy is like being hungry or exhausted.
It is like running on an empty tank. The tank has to be filled up as soon as possible in any way, to keep your body at balance. To keep the nervous system calm.
There is a catch 22 into the need – neediness.
As young children, we were not able to look after ourselves and meet our own needs.
Our caretakers (parents) were meant to look after our needs and fulfill them.
Through the fulfillment of those needs we got the blueprint of how to look after our own needs.
Were those needs not met?
This has led us to become not only needy children but, also someone without a proper blueprint of how to fulfill our needs.
The suffering of the child can lead to tragedy of the adult.
Many of us are (still) running around with the unfulfilled needs carried along from childhood.
The neediness of the grown up’s stinks.
It is like chewing gum – you might get stuck in it.
It is like the Bermuda triangle that sucks you in. Even despite your willingness to resist it.
We all can smell it, feel it, and sense it from distance, isn’t it?
It has a strange energy to it. You want to get away as soon as you sense it in someone else.
Although deep down you might know that sticking around would actually help the needy person to fulfill the need and become “un-needy”. This would make it a lot easier to stay around them and teach them how to look after themselves and become independent and attractive as a grown-up individual.
This is one of the funny set ups of our human nature.
We (unwillingly) push away exactly what we need to have a joyful life.
Is there a way out of this witches cycle?
Luckily there is!
Actually, it is much simpler to get out of this paradoxical catch 22 situations than it may look like at first.
Get in touch with your “inner child” – learn about those unmet needs – meet them.
Repeat as often and as many times you need – to heal yourself out from neediness.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts on the topic!
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