As you journeyed through childhood, you went through one developmental stage after another.
The way your caretakers responded to your changing needs greatly affected your emotional health.
More than likely, they coped with one stage of your growth better than another.
They may have taken excellent care of you when you were an infant. Or as a toddler.
Maybe felt threatened by your attraction to your opposite-sex parent when you were five or six.
Maybe you have grown up with parents who met most of your needs, or only some of them.
These unmet needs keep following your into adult relationship, even into your marriage.
Don’t go into the next room!
You might get hurt!
When a little child often hear calling his / her parents out like the above it can easily get frustrated. Feeling controlled in its independence. Feeling like her autonomy is being denied.
This control, can lead to (unconscious) fear of engulfment. This fear becomes a key part of her character, and in later years she becomes an ‘isolater’.
An isolater is a person who unconsciously pushes others away.
Keeping people at a distance because she needs to have a ‘lot of space’ around her.
She wants the freedom to come and go as she pleases.
She doesn’t want to be pinned down to a single relationship.
Underneath this desire for ‘independence’ is the little girl who was not allowed to satisfy her natural need for independence. When she marries, if at all, her need to be a distinct ‘self’ will be on the top of her hidden agenda.
Chandra
