The other day I was contemplating resistance.
I noticed I have quite a bit of resistance towards:
- taking in new information and guidance
- practicing tools I believe in deep down and I know would benefit me
On the days (sometimes weeks) when the resistant part of me is particularly active, it feels like I’m my own enemy.
I’m aware of what tasks, tools, practices, teachers and workshops would benefit me and yet I don’t take action.
I wondered where this resistant part of me was coming from, what its purpose was and what its reasons were for acting ‘against me’ instead of ‘for me’.
When I felt into those reasons, I thought they might be that:
- this part of me can’t believe that change, growth and expansion is possible for me OR
- she might think that it is possible for me, but I don’t deserve it OR
- for whatever reason, it’s out of reach, it’s too late, it’s too complicated, it’s too this or too that
None of those reasons were true.
This resistant part of me has felt overly controlled since childhood and was created resistance to protect herself.
She couldn’t speak, she didn’t have a space to be herself nor did she feel safe to express herself.
Being around other people meant being controlled, told off, judged or belittled for every one of her thoughts and feelings.
Even when she spoke, she wasn’t acknowledged or listened to, and so the only way she could protect herself was to “resist”. Anything and anybody.
No wonder she did not speak too often!
She wasn’t allowed to set boundaries openly, or to say no, or to set limits, and so she said NO to everything.
One of our most basic human needs is to feel safe.
It’s essential to feel safe in our bodies, to know deep, deep down inside of us that we are not in danger.
This inner knowing allows us, our nervous systems and our physical bodies to relax.
When we feel safe, we are able to relax and enjoy life. We are able to welcome and be open and receptive to others.
When we don’t feel safe, we are contracted and closed up (sometimes we don’t even know that this is happening).
We create a shield of protection around ourselves that we feel safe in.
Not much can reach us through that protective layer.
We feel safe, but also isolated, alone and separated.
It takes quite a lot of energy to create safety, and resistance is one way we do so to defend ourselves.
However it isn’t the most beneficial way because it blocks not only ‘bad‘ influences but also ‘good’ energy. It closes off the flow of life itself.
It’s like you’ve placed yourself into a container that nothing and nobody can enter. No bad but also no good.
This way of coping is usually created during a childhood experience where we felt violated.
In my experience, a better way to create safety is by learning how to set boundaries, and this is something I can support you with.
Are you comfortable with setting boundaries?
Saying NO to something you don’t want. Politely, but clearly expressing your No.
Or do you cross your own boundaries, not to hurt others, but actually hurting yourself?
Where do you see yourself applying ‘resistance’ as a protection mechanism, a form of setting a boundary?