Probably you have heard me saying that I moved back to my home country after a decade of being a ’nomad’.
I wanted to settle down.
I knew this wouldn’t be an easy step.
I felt it in my cells – so I kept postponing my return for about 2 years. Finally, I took the step in November 2020.
I desired to settle, to have a home again, to take my ’things’ out of the storage, to have my space – to own my space again…like I used to before transforming into a nomad.
To be honest with you, it was much easier the other way around…I mean from uprooting and being on the road, from getting rid of a lot of stuff, and living out of a suitcase and being free as the wind!
I knew it was going to be challenging to return to my home country, but I didn’t expect it to be SOOOO hard….and complex.
It is a REBIRTHING process.
Choosing this country as a grown up.
If you believe in before and/or after life, then you might think that I have chosen this country once before – when I choose to be born into a Hungarian family. Right! However, I don’t remember the decision as a conscious choice. This time I remember.
Choosing this country is like being born into the same place once more.
I experience this as a second birth process. Coming into existence in the same country again.
I have lived in several countries throughout my lifetime. I lived in Germany, in Thailand, in the UK, and spent an extended time in India and in Australia. In some countries I have lived for a year or a bit longer, in Thailand for several years…still I haven’t experienced this re-birth process in any of those.
It is connected to the home country only.
By taking a form at the same place I was born into I am forced to revisit the past.
’Forced’ by my internal compass. It is just happening on its own. I don’t have to initiate it.
I just need to hold myself through it. AND THIS IS ALREADY A LOT I have to tell you.
Going through all sorts of feelings, beliefs and memories I have experienced since birth, here in this country.
It is a full-on reprogramming process. A reconditioning process.
Luckily, I have been involved in personal development for about 20 years already. I have learned yoga and meditation, I practiced rebirthing breathwork, I spent an extensive time with ’Inner Child’ healing, I practiced tantra. I have been teaching many of these modalities over a decade by now. , I work as an empowerment, sex and relationship coach.
Honestly, without these tools I would not be able to go through this reconditioning process.
I need all my knowledge and experience to hold myself through it. And there are times I need external help as well. BIG time!
Actually, it is a very interesting process!
I have done so MUCH healing on myself in the past.
I thought I was DONE. I thought I was OK.
On some levels I was ok indeed – and still I’m called to re-visit some old stuff. Look at it from a different perspective. I feel it from another angle.
Reconnecting with places and people from the past.
Placed into familiar situations.
having the chance to rewrite both the story, the quality of BEING by choosing from a more knowledgeable and mature internal place.
It is an integration process.
Integrating anything I have learned throughout this personal development journey. The application of all the studies and experiences. Taking the ’information’ into real-life.
Again, it is challenging and at the same time very interesting to live through this.
The body (from within) takes charge of the whole process. I’m being guided by my body through the chakra system. Starting from the root: grounding, rooting, settling in, aligning to timeline, to 4 seasons, to spending more time indoors (as opposed to Asia)…There is no rushing, I can not go faster than my body wants me to. My nervous system needs time to adapt, to clear-clean-heal.
About 1 month ago, around Jan-Feb 2022 I reached the heart chakra. My heart is healing-opening.
I feel I will soon move onto the next chakra.
Communication. Sharing. Self-expression.
Visibility. Showing up in the world.
Or am I already ON it? ☺
